Not America!
by Sainly-Sad
Summary: Told in Canada's point view; unbiased and purely factually. Completely unbiased! ... Enjoy! WARNINGS: Well, there will probably be yaoi references because yaoi is awesome! Language, and slight warping of truths...


**Ok, I know I really should be writing my Drrr! fics, b-b-b-but I've started cosplaying Canada and I need to learn more about Canada so I can, so I thought I'd write what I'm learning about Canada and that way I'll learn it...Also, I will try to finish those stories, promise!**

**Ok, now about this story, this is Canada writing about his and America's differences. It is entirely factual and unbiased...Totally...Not Canada's fault Alfred's a moron! (lol) Also, I feel I should mention I'm Australian, so basically I'm a p*ss taker of any kind...lolz**

**Oh yeah! If it's bolded in the story, Canada is actually talking, otherwise he's writing it up...**

**So one last thing, thanks for reading! ^_^ If I don't update once a week please hassle me, be as rude about it as you want too...Oh, and feel free to hassle me about my other stories too, but no promises **

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><p>Hi, I'm Canada. Lately I've noticed that I keep getting confused for my brother Alfred, which is a little annoying, I mean, Canada and America are very different places. America is rude and obnoxious and always annoys everyone and I-<p>

"Hey Mattie! Whatcha writing?"

**Ack! N-nothing Alfred!**

"Heh, whatever. I'll read it later, k!"

**...You'll have to learn how to read first...**

Anyway, now that he's gone I can get back to my point. I'm going to use this space to show how different I am to Alfred!

Not only am I different in size (I'm way bigger than Alfred) I have a very different cultural and political views. While Alfred has a paranoia of Communism brought about by a political campaign during the Cold War that stops him from making any sound decisions that would make his country more stable, I have a good system of tax, which means Canada enjoys a public health system so not only the rich can live past the age of 30. I also have more equality and a more sound democracy.

America's boss (and Alfred) believes in war, everyone being armed to the teeth and mostly everyone being Christian. Whereas my boss...Uh...Well he was actually said to pretty much be the Canadian George Bush, but I've had good bosses! And anyway, my political system is different, so even though he's um...kinda American like, Canada is still being governed soundly!

Oh wait, Alfred did actually get a good boss in recently. What a shock that there are rumors about him being Muslim, a terrorist, the anti-Christ and having plots to assassinate him.

On the subject of assassination, I have had only 2 political assassinations, whereas Alfred has had at least twenty. See the difference? Because my country is so much safer for politicians we have better ones, which means better policy.

Hopefully you are starting to see the difference here. Canada and America are really _really_ different countries. Also, although I did fight in the World Wars I don't agree with war on principle. I will admit to taking pride in my participation in the World Wars, and a few other wars as well. It's not that I'm glad I fought in them; I would much prefer they never happened, unlike my war-mongering brother. I am however proud of my soldiers who fought and died in those wars, protecting Canada and other countries ways of lives.

I would like to point out that America only joined in World War II because Japan attacked him, and he wouldn't have fought if not for that, and while he did turn the tables, he spent most of the second war and all of the first one ignoring the plights of others and watching horror movies and playing games. Just putting it out there, I joined way earlier, as did all of England's former colonies, apart from Alfred, who had to finish a war game apparently. I just feel this is an interesting fact that he claims to be the hero but only fights wars he's likely to win, like Vietnam for example.

...Yeah, that was a little mean, but I get kinda upset talking about war, especially when my fallen soldiers don't get the respect Alfred's do when he hardly even fought!

On the topic of war still, I would like to point out the he attacked me before I burnt New York...uh, and Capitol building...and the White House, so it wasn't like I started that! Also, it was really immature to poor tea into the ocean. In fact, fighting for independence itself was stupid. All I had to do was ask. Admittedly it took a little longer, and I had to be pretty persistent, but I got my independence without bloodshed and as a result I enjoy a much better relationship with...Um, yeah, if I finish that sentence I will be lying, and that's not why I'm here. Ok, so my relationship with England isn't great, even though I got my independence in a much more mature way then Alfred. I still didn't get hurt doing it.

I do have a good relationship with my first father though, Papa France. In Quebec French is the main language, and I have French as an official language in Canada. I do speak mostly English, but French is taught in every school as well, and I respect my French heritage. Papa was really good to me, and he looked after me well. Admittedly some of his presents to me are a little...for lack of a better word 'French', when I was little he always kept me at least a little sheltered from the uh...La'mour of the um...bedroom...

I feel I should say this as I've heard disturbing rumors about my life growing up with him. Admittedly some of them I heard from him, but he was just repeating them! The point is that while he's sent me some...uh, un-innocent presents now they were all from after I got independence from England!

Also, as far as I know, England and America are not sleeping together. I don't really know, but I'm pretty sure they aren't! France and England however...Well, I don't really know about that. I mean, they do hate each other a lot of the time, but they also spend a lot of time...uh, not at war? I mean, England has been heavily influenced by France, and Papa told me some stories about when England was little and wanted nice long hair because France teased him about having short hair.

Hey! This was supposed to be about how I'm not like America! How did I get on this topic...Well, anyway, the point is Canada is very different from America!

Tune in next week to read more about how America sucks! Um, I mean, about how different Canada is from America! Next week's topic is 'Nature'. Kubago might even make an entrance. Also, if you have any questions leave them in a review and I'll try to answer them. They can be about anything at all! ... Please don't make me regret saying that...


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